Friday, 27 August 2010

An update on life, cancer and everything.

Golly! A lot has happened since I last updated. I have probably forgetten an awful lot. I'll try and give a round up here. Thanks Darcy for reminding me that I needed to do this :-) Where to start? I guess I'll start with the most recent and work backwards. Breast Cancer Update Well last Saturday I came out of hospital after having my left breast removed (my choice as it reduces the risk of the cancer coming back) and then both breasts have been prepared for reconstruction with implants. These will be filled with saline to expand them and then, eventually, removed and replaced with silicone implants. At the moment my right arm is doing fine but my left arm is frozen through chording which is a horrid sensation which makes my arm pretty immobile and feels like I have a large marble in my armpit all the time. It's very odd. My hair is coming back nice and thickly after chemo thank goodness. It's about an inch long now, I can't wait to get it longer again. I have had a few friends struck by this bloody awful disease since I went back to work. I'm thinking particularly of Becky (in the USA) and Bo in Manchester. Also in my mind is Darcy's sister who is in Australia suffering another type of cancer It feels like everywhere you look this bloody disease is hitting someone. What will it take to find a cure. I wonder how far off we are? Going back to work Going back to work was hard. I found it hard not to get caught up in all the old office politics again and I very quickly found myself resenting being there. It was partly because so much of my job had been taken on by other people and I wasn't going to get parts of it back again and partly because it's so quiet at the moment I feel like I'm wasting time on insignificant stuff. Maybe it's time for me to start looking for a more challenging role within the Uni? Maybe I will when I finish the degree next year (hopefully)? I just feel that I need to concentrate on getting well at the moment, until then, I've just got to try and keep my head and not let all the petty stuff get to me. Here's a journal page that I created when I was feeling at my lowest. (Edited 3rd April 2011 and removed because I've changed my mind about making everything public. Negativity is probably best kept to myself and not 'put out there'). I think's enough for people to know that amongst the good days there were days when I felt like total shit and all I could do was redirect it onto an art journal page. As time's gone on I've begun to feel better and I think that's kind of reflected in my journal pages.


Helen said...

great to see you back Dee x

Christa Irell said...

SO good and SO healing to get your emotions out onto paper! Good for you for having the strength and enough of a sense of humour to be able to do it! Every journal entry is wonderful and moving and downright beautiful!
I am glad you are able to sort out who your real friends are- tragedy and trying circumstances tend to help you do that, don't they? I am with you- piss off to those who aren't in your corner and who continue with pettiness- and kudos to you for putting your energy and time into healing. Much love to you. xo

Dee said...

Thank you ladies, that's very nice of you.

Thanks for your positive feedback Christa, I apologise once again for my language on a few of the pages. I don't swear in my everyday life but I was so frustrated and angry at the time I did those pages that I really needed to get all the negativity out. There was one person, in particular, who was upsetting me with their insensitivity but that's all in the past now and done. Thank you for understanding xxx